Sunday, March 19, 2006

Friendly Date?

Last night, I was going to go with my friends George and Hannah to watch a play at Niel de Mesa's Koine (did i spell that right?), but since Hannah's family had a dinner we just ended up hanging out in a coffee place at Shang. We talked about a lot of things, but the question of the night was this:

Q: Is there such a thing as a friendly date?

Joel: I don't think that there really is cos no matter how innocent or 'friendly' you make a date out to be there is always that tiny seed of interest buried in the mind/heart of one or sometimes both people.

George: If it doesn't exist then how else would you get to know someone you're interested in if there was no other common venue like work, a project, or an organization?

Hannah: I think there has to be since sometimes, as a girl, you just want to take the opportunity to learn about a guy before you step into anything more serious.

I guess there are other good arguments for both sides but I still stick to my opinion that 'friendly date' is just another name for "a real date but we're afraid to call it that because of what some people would think so we think of a safe name to use".


Eli said...


I agree with you. There's no such thing as a friendly date. It's just to help alleviate some of the pressure.

Anonymous said...

I disagree. Friendly dates can happen. Sometimes, people just need to find friends---as I understand it, it gets harder over time to meet new people as one gets more entrenched in his work/job.

Friendly dates can lead to more romantic ones, I will concede this---but there has been many a friendly date that has sealed those hard to find, platonic friendships.


P.S. Of course, I wasn't in the conversation so may be missing some important nuance.

Joel R. said...

haha, ela. NO i was not the chaperone.

mahar, interesting point. i wonder if there are like 'rules' that would govern such a date. Not that i'm conceding it exists, of course.

Hogi said...

Hmmm... It makes me wonder if there really is. Both sides do make good points. I guess it depends on either party's intention to make it what it is. But maybe there isn't such a thing as a friendly date, because people may do expect something from it. They may say it's a "friendly" date if one of the parties don't expect anything. While maybe one of them has some intention of something to happen.

Anonymous said...

Oh, the rules exist. They're just awfully nebulous.

Think of this scenario: You're with a friend (a girl), who bumps into her one of her old classmates. She introduces the two of you. Acting spontaneously, you three decide to hang out for the day. (Henceforth, the three of you are now referred to as "you", the "mutual friend" and "her friend")

Your friend's cellphone rings, and she excuses herself. You're left alone with her friend, the girl you were recently introduced to. While the two of you wait for your mutual friend, you chat.

Let's say that your mutual friend takes forever---let's be realistic and say around an hour, emergency at work and all that and she's freaking out and has to resolve it before going back to the two of you.

In that hour that your mutual friend was gone, what would you consider the setting between her friend and yourself? If you two were getting to know each other, had normal conversation and pretty much had fun---you just had a friendly date.

Does it matter if her friend finds you attractive? No. Even if she severely crushes on you and is already planning a wedding, the fact is you were introduced as friends and acted accordingly. Can a person in a friendly date have ulterior motives? Sure. But the point of the friendly date is to establish friendly contact. No one, after all, can instantly make that situation tailored that someone will fall deeply into infatuation---unlike romantic dates, where the aura of courtship is definitely palpable and the rules are just a bit more (strictly) defined.

Of course there are exceptions to what I just mentioned. What makes friendly dates "friendly" is the fact that one person just might want to stay friends. No amount of romantic thinking on the part of the other person would change that.

Oh, and to simplify: if your mutual friend's friend (her friend) was gay, there wouldn't be an issue: it would end a friendly date. When sexualities don't mix, there's just no basis for romance.

That's why I think friendly dates exist.


P.S. Sorry for the long reply. I really need to work on brevity.

Joel R. said...

to answer your novella, that's a well described scenario except my concept of a date is something that is intentionally planned in contrast to the impromptu thing you were talking about :)

Anonymous said...

Intentionally planned? Then niyek.

I still disagree. :P I still maintain that the point of friendly dates is to establish friendly contact. Even if there are ulterior motives. And even if someone is just using it to test the waters.

~Mahar "who's not writing a novella now" Mangahas

bea said...

i think there is such a thing as a friendly date. :) sometimes two people (of opposite genders) can go out and hang out and talk and watch a movie and drive around some village or whatever, without necessarily feeling sparks or thinking of the other person as a romantic partner. it happens. sometimes it stays that way. sometimes it develops.

Ren said...

I guess it depends on how one defines what a "date" is in the first place. (Oh no, here we go. I won't even try.)

Not to mention how one defines "friendly." But in any case...

I do think it's possible to have a "friendly" date. I don't know if I'm understanding this correctly - and, in the first place, why trust a guy who's never been on a date? - but maybe a "friendly" date is synonymous to a "casual" date. All the trappings of a date are involved, yes, but perhaps with no real romantic/relationship-ish end at its goal. It's really a getting-to-know thing, then. I guess the term just signifies the... degree of seriousness of the date.

...I'm rambling, so I'll stop. =P I had a point, I swear.

Joel R. said...

ren, don't worry. i'm sure you'll have a 'friendly' date soon!

Bea, tapusin mo na yang school na yan at maka 'friendly' date na din tayo. kahit saan basta masaya.

Ren said...

Hahaha, yeah, let's hope so. =P I've only been on "non-dates." =P Or dates that are dates only in my head. Ahahaha. =P

Wow. This is a popular topic, huh? =P